


My True Skin

by brandedforeverlame



Series: FTM!Stiles [3]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: FTM, FTM Stiles Stilinski, Gender Dysphoria, M/M, Mates, Mating Bond, Transgender, True Mates, Werewolf Mates, f2m, trans! stiles
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-10-07
Updated: 2015-10-09
Packaged: 2018-04-25 07:01:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,620
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4951045
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brandedforeverlame/pseuds/brandedforeverlame
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Stiles finally seems to be getting his life settled. ... but with old classmates who seem hell bent on making his life miserable and Derek laying the bombshell of a lifetime upon him, he's not sure he quite got this coping thing mastered.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Pack Meeting

**Author's Note:**

  * For [quodpersortem](https://archiveofourown.org/users/quodpersortem/gifts).



> *WARNING* there is a lot to do with anxiety and gender dysphoria in this chapter and it may be triggering to some readers.  
> Please be respectful.

“Stiles! Table 22 hasn't got their curly fries yet!”

Stiles sighed and pulled the fry basket out of the deep fryer and tipped it into the tub, “almost done!”

Stiles scooped the fries into the serving basket and slapped it on the counter.

“Table 22 up!”

The buzz of the restaurant rose significantly as Stiles saw a group of his ex-classmates enter the restaurant. His breath hitched and his whole body tensed as the laughter that haunted him.

“Stiles, honey, table 22,” Mavis, the barrister, called out through the serving hatch.

Stiles took a deep breath, grabbed the basket of fries and walked into the dining room. He held his head up, looked straight ahead with focused tunnel vision and plastered a smile on his face as he approached table 22.

“Here's your fries, sorry about the wait.”

“Thanks man,” the guy replied, distracted by his phone and completely ignoring the bored looking date across from him. Stiles gave her an apologetic smile and headed back to the counter, trying hard to ignore the sudden halt in chatter from that particular group of people as they noticed him.

“Do you need me to pull more fillets from the walk in,” Stiles walked up to Leon, the short order cook. 

“Naw man, Elsie just took care of that, see if Mavis needs help on the front.”

Stiles stomach grumbled even though he'd had his meal break a half hour ago.

“Ok.”

Stiles walked around to the counter, saw Mavis busy topping up the coffee beans and steered himself towards the vacant cash register. 

They were staring.

“Can I please take your order?”

Sniggering.

“Err, yeah. Can I have the deluxe chicken burger meal with a coke,” Jake Rosen stepped forward.

Stiles took a small breath.

“Sure, anything else?” 

“Yeah, hold the hormones.”

Stiles blinked.

“Err, sorry, I don't understand?”

“Hormones, you know? Chicken have extra hormones pumped into them, you know, to make them something they're not.”

Stiles chest hurt.

“So hold the hormones on my chicken, I don't want any of that fake crap.”

Stiles was frozen. How the fuck do they even know a shred about anything? Did the research the process purely to fucking attack him… No… No one is that fucking committed to bullying…

“Err, hello? How much is that going to be?”

Stiles did even breath.

“Look are you gonna do you fucking job? What's wrong with you? Is it your time of the month or something?”

Stiles reached up the monitor, flicked the off button, took a deep breath and looked up to stare Jake Rosen in the eyes.

“Sorry Sir,” his voice was shaking but he pushed on, “but until you decide to respect the employees of this establishment you can maybe consider eating elsewhere.”

Stiles turned on his heel, aimed towards the walk in fridge and disappeared.

He slumped behind the crates of tomatoes and took out his phone to check the time. 8:47pm. 2047. How long would it be until his manager would realise he was gone.

How long would it be until he lost his job. 

How long would it be until he could no longer pay off his loan. At least they couldn't take back his top surgery… He certainly wouldn't be able to afford hormones. His hormones would be stopped. The horrid stuff that betrayed his reproductive organ to not be those of what was generally associated with males…. It would return.

Fuck.

Fuck. Fuck.

No. 

Stiles took a deep breath, stood up and opened the door the freezer. Jake and his friends where seated right up the other end of the restaurant. Mavis turned around and locked eyes with me.

“What happened? Why did you run off in the middle of taking an order, Stiles? Are you alright?”

“Sorry, Mavis. I just felt sick really suddenly.”

Mavis’s face softened, “it's ok honey, they were a little angry, I gave them free fries as an apology.”

“Sorry Mavis, I'll pay for those fries,” Stiles insisted.

“No, it's ok darling, you couldn't help it. You couldn't help being sick. I don't mind, you're lucky it was me and that Dave is busy in the office right now.”

Dave could be a hardass but he'd given Stiles a job on no previous experience… (Stiles half suspected he just didn't want to say no to the Sheriffs son).

“Now take this to table 14 and get Stacey to service that groups table.”

Mavis had caught onto more than she was letting on which seemed to amplify the already mothering complex she had going on when it came to him. Stiles loved Mavis.

 

~

 

The rest of Stiles shift was uneventful after taking a giant sigh of relief when Jake and his friends left at 9:30. Dave locked the doors and switched off the open sign at midnight. Mavis and he finished sweeping and mopping at 12:30.

Stiles was in bed by 1:15.

He was almost asleep by 2am when his phone buzzed seemingly louder than usual.

“You awake?”

What the hell was Derek doing texting him at this time of night.

“No.”

“Sorry to wake you. I've called a meeting at 8. It's important you come.”

Stiles groaned at his phone, his eyes squinting hard. He dropped his phone on the side table and let his head drop back into the pillow out of pure exhaustion. He pressed his face down hard for ten seconds before coming back up for a gulp of air.

"Eight fucking am,” he hissed, picking up his phone and setting five alarms, “Fuck you, Derek.”

His body groaned in relief as he collapsed onto his back again and he jammed his eyes. Ok. Some scrap of sleep before tomorrow morning would be great.

~

Stiles knew instantly that his eyes were bloodshot as hell. As they collided with the rays of sunlight filtering through his curtains they stung.

Seven… He had an hour to make himself alive and drive over to Derek's loft. Maybe he could do it with the help of a certain greasy food from a certain restaurant starting with M. He of course would not breath a word to his father. Stiles may be a hypocrite but he was a hypocrite who was determined to lengthen his fathers life as much as possible.

Stiles stumbled into some semblance of semi clean clothing and walked downstairs to grab his keys. His father drank coffee at the kitchen table and his eyes grew wide when he saw a dressed Stiles enter.

“What-“

“Gotta be somewhere. Hi Dad, Bye Dad.”

John shook his head and took another sip of coffee.

~

In the rush he’d been in to not be late and a zombie, the drive through had been fast and Stiles was fifteen minutes early with coffee and a half eaten muffin. Derek answered the door with raised eyebrows.

“Didn't know that you knew how to be on time.”

“Well good morning to you too, Derek. What a lovely morning it is too,” Stiles flopped on the couch and stuffed the rest of the muffin into his mouth.

Stiles looked around and took note of the fact that he seemed to be the only one on time at all.

Odd.

Stiles looked around just in case, you know, they were using their wolfish powers to blend into the concrete and brick.

"So, uh.... where's everyone else, Derek?"

Derek stared at Stiles. Stiles shifted slightly, Derek had, for the better part of the last year, avoided looking at Stiles directly. Stiles had tried not to think too much about it... or try and figure out what it meant. It was just best he didn't think on it too much.

"You there, Derek? Or am I talking to a wax likeness?"

Derek shook himself and blinked hard, "Um, they're on their way. They'll be here soon."

"Yeah... it's not like everyone to be late. Are you sure they got the text?"

Derek studied his shoes intently.

Stiles jumped up from the couch, "Ok, what is going on? Lydia is NEVER late and where even is Isaac. Doesn't he live here now? And where the hell is Scott he's usually here at the same time as me. I am usually last here. Derek, what is going on?"

Derek sighed, "Well you see-"

"This is my fault, Stiles. Sorry," Scott walked out from behind the bathroom door.

"What," said Stiles, sitting down again… this made no sense, "Is this an intervention because i swear I am not abusing my Adderall, in fact since my surgery I’ve barely been taking it. I feel great!"

Shit. He tried so hard to not bring up anything about the whole Trans things around Derek. Derek didn't even seem to register what he'd said. Derek knew of course, but Stiles tried so hard to not bring it up. Maybe, one day, everyone could magically forget and Stiles could just pretend it wasn't even a thing. Derek wouldn't have to know it was a thing.

One day. Hopefully.

Scott walked forward and went up to Derek, before grabbing his arm and pushing him forwards the couch... wait, what.

Since when did Scott push Derek around? 

"This is not your intervention, Stiles. This is Derek’s intervention. He needs to do this for his own sake and probably, in the long run for you and i just thought I'd.... offer myself as a mediator."

Stiles blinked and his heart started pounding.

"Ok, what is going on? Are you sick Derek? Do you have like werewolf cancer? Are you dying? Why everyone else isn’t here then if something big is going on. I'm going to call Lydia-"

"It has nothing to do with them," Derek spoke loudly and suddenly and Stiles shut his mouth like glue.

Derek was nervous.

WHAT WAS GOING ON?

"Ok.... someone please explain what is the problem?"

"It's not a problem, per say..." Scott began.

"Youaremymate"

Stiles’ brain to unscramble the bunch of words that just came out of Derek’s mouth sans space bar. 

"Nope, didn't catch that. Could you say it again but like normally please."

Derek sighed.

"Stiles, please before you freak out please wait to hear what it actually means and please feel free to ask any questions but.... my wolf... recognises you..."

"As a snack?"

Derek huffed, "No. Stiles. Please listen... My wolf recognised you as its mate."

"What the fuck."

Stiles mind just died for a moment and he tried to think about the sentence but the sentence had just disappeared into like a foreign language pool of things that he couldn't just translate. He heard the words but no processing was going on. He tried out those words out loud.

"Your wolf recognised me as its mate."

"Yes."

"Ok. Um. Please freaking explain."

Derek's eyes looked strained and his feet shifted frantically. Stiles felt like moving his foot and stamping down on his.

"It’s a werewolf thing that doesn't happen very often but basically the wolf inside has profiled you... actually no, probably not the best choice of words," Derek rung his hands out and stood up. He stepped a meter away from the couch with his back facing Stiles, "My wolf has told me that you are my one true mate. My wolf saw you and has err decided that I can't be with anyone else. That you're the only one truly compatible for me."

Stiles brain screamed. So Derek’s wolf has basically laid some giant branding mark on Stiles and told Derek it was the Stiles way or the highway... 

Ok. So Stiles didn't understand this but half of him was screaming in triumph because Stiles had spent the last three years trying to desperately extinguish the giant flaming torch he carried for Derek despite the fact that Derek was often grumpy and sometimes he was scary and oftentimes very sexy and HOLY CRAP.

"Ok. So what does this mean?"

Stiles saw Derek’s shoulders move in a very big studied breath. He turned around and stared Stiles right in the face.

Scott slipped away into the kitchen.

"Stiles, I know we haven't always gotten on and I know we've annoyed the hell out of each other but this thing. This feeling that's been eating me up for basically three years-"

"THREE YEARS?"

"I fucking know, right," Scott called from the kitchen.

Derek glared in Scott’s direction before turning back to Stiles. He sat down on the couch next to him and grabbed Stiles hand.

Stiles was completely frozen. His brain was purely in listening mode.

"You've just been someone that I didn't think it was ever right to be with. You're younger than me. You're fathers the sheriff of my hometown and your best friend is another Alpha and I know we all work together now but basically there were so many things that my conscience said couldn't make this work but there's only so long I could ignore what my wolf was saying before it started to eat away at me."

Stiles breath hitched.

Scott walked back into the room, "I found him one full moon, in wolf form curled in a ball at the end of your street. I couldn't understand was happening until I saw his eyes and saw his pain through them Stiles. I don’t even know if I like this, but I can’t deny that it’s true.”

Stiles didn’t answer. So was he like… bound to spend the rest of his life with Derek? Sure he had a major thing for Derek but he didn’t know straight away whether it was going to work out forever or anything. And what if….

“So what does this mean,” Stiles asked.

“I want to be with you, Stiles,” Derek whispered. Scott disappeared back into the kitchen.

Stiles heart skipped a beat. He yearned for this. He ached for this. But….

What if Derek ended up having a problem with the whole Stiles being Transgender thing? Like sure Derek probably thought he was fine with it… but he hadn’t actually been in a relationship with someone who was Transgender. 

Stiles was still a virgin. Stiles had no idea what he would be comfortable with when it came to sex. And the fact that he was thinking about this part already was stupid and dumb and just showed that Stiles wasn’t ready for any sort of relationship! 

He couldn’t believe the first thing he thought of was sex…. But also, he couldn’t not think about it. Stiles knew that this whole mate thing would be pretty primal because it came from his wolf side so there was no doubt that Derek would not want to be celibate and Stiles himself was not lacking a sex drive but he didn’t want to get all emotionally invested and then have Derek kick him out the curb. 

Werewolf mate or not Stiles didn’t think that mattered if Derek couldn’t deal with him.

Stiles didn’t want his heart broken.

“Stiles?”

Stiles stood up and ran out the door, the shouts of Derek and Scott echoing around his head like a ping pong as he started the engine and drove away.

Stiles needed to think and deal with this migraine in his head.


	2. Anxiety

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stiles is spirally from Dereks bombshell and on autopilot goes to talk to one person he know will understand... family is everything.

Stiles pulled the jeep into drive and launched onto the road five miles over the speed limit. He didn't know where he was going. He didn't know how long he was going to run for but he had to run. He had to detach, distance and basically reset all to default. What do you do when a dream, a hope you've had for so long, that you NEVER thought would ever be remotely a reality, bursts into existence in one giant landslide.

What do you do?

Stiles found himself at Beacon Hills lookout. He found himself there after a trip through a drive through and curly fries in his hand. He found himself eating to momentarily forget. He was such a hypocrite.

His phone buzzed and his breath caught in his throat. He wouldn't look. He wouldn't look. He wouldn’t...

Scott: "Are you ok?"

Derek: "I'm sorry. Please call me."

Dad: "Scott and Derek are worried about you and they won't tell me why. Are you ok? What happened?"

Stiles swallowed painfully and clicked his screen shut.

"No, not now," he said, starting up the engine again.

He had a destination in mind this time but he didn't process it consciously until he was already pulling into the car park of Beacon Hills memorial cemetery.

Stiles jumped out of the car, slamming the door and clicking down hard on the auto locking button as he power walked through the rows of stones. He went down almost to the back of the cemetery, the one that still had many empty plots. He walked down until he reached the polished granite slab that covered the grave of Claudia Stilinski.

Stiles sat on the grave, resisting the urge to lay down prostrate. He knelt on his knees and placed both hands spread wide and flat on the cold surface.

"Mom," he choked, "Mom, what do I do? What do I do? I don't know... Derek wants to be with me but I know I'm going to scare him away. What do I do?"

The wind echoed the trees and rustled against the old pines that hung over the edges and boarded along the rocky wild that surrounded the cemetery. If Stiles were to stand up and walk north from here he would reach another town for one hundred and fifty miles.

Stiles slowly lowered himself until he was curled in a foetal position, his cheek stung from the cold of the marble and he wasn't wearing the right clothes to be outside for an extended time in winter... even in a California winter.

A single tear trickled down the side of Stiles face, tickling his cheek and falling flat on the marble. He heard a thunder crack from the clouds above.  
Stiles hiccupped and quickly pulled himself to his feet, he ran over into the trees on the end of the isle and picked a bunch of wild flowers growing there. He placed them in the stone vase below his Moms headstone and headed back to the Jeep.

When he got back into the car and locked the doors he checked his phone that he'd left behind and saw he had three missed calls and ten text messages.

"Argh, I'M FINE," he yelled, smacking his fist against his steering wheel, causing the car horn to shriek and he jumped in his seat. He fumbled with his seatbelt and started the car harshly. He pulled back onto the highway and headed back into town.

His father was literally waiting for him on the porch when he pulled into the driveway.

"What happened, Son? Tell me. Scott called me and he sounded worried. What happened?"

Stiles pushed past his father, "m' fine."

He didn't look back or listen until he climbed into his bed and pulled the blanket up over his head. He laid super still, listening to his breathing as it laboured due to the air restriction. The sunlight allowed him to look at the murky red aura of light that filtered through the sheets and he breathed deeply as the sound of rain pitter pattering as it jerkily attempted to fall.

Rain in California was a treasured thing and Stiles lifted the blanket over his head and stared at the window as the drops fell fast and hydrated the earth. His chest hurt but watching the rain made him breath deep.

His phone buzzed again.

"Suppose I can't avoid this forever," He grumbled, twisting over and reaching for the phone on the bed stand. He clicked the screen open and saw a single new text message.

Derek: "I'm sorry. If you can ever forgive me, please call me. I still want to try."

Stiles took a deep breath before he began to type.

"Ok. I will call you tomorrow."

Derek took exactly a minute to reply.

"Thank you, I'll be waiting for your call."

Stiles shook his head. He didn't even know what he'd say when he called. He had the rest of the day and night to decide. He would figure something good to say. Something that didn't reveal the coward he knew he was but instead turned his fear into some cool logical reasoning that Derek couldn't deny. Stiles would make sure Derek understand that he wasn't going to try out a relationship only to have Derek change his mind later. As he would. There was no way he wouldn't change his mind.

Stiles would live his life as himself no matter what anyone thought, but he was also acutely aware that no one would ever want to be him because of it... but he was prepared for that. He knew that was an inevitable consequence. He had accepted it long ago.

He just hoped Derek could figure out that his wolf was wrong and could find another person to choose as their mate. Someone that Derek could be with easily and normally.

Stiles kicked the blankets off and unclenched his fist. He was staring at Derek's name on his phone. He couldn't stop staring.

It was going to be hard but he was going to train himself to move on.

~

Stiles had a plan to lay in bed the rest of the day but two hours in his legs began to cramp and he pulled himself out of bed and made a sandwich.

Stiles was about to head up stairs when his father stepped into the kitchen. He had his sheriff face on and Stiles swallowed a lump in his throat.

"Hey Mr, sit down. We need to talk."

Stiles slowly sat down in a chair kitchen. He put the sandwich in front of him, all appetite suddenly lost.

"So do you wanna tell me why Scott and Derek where calling me asking if I knew where you were? I thought you didn't have anything to do with Derek Hale anymore."

Stiles had forgotten about the whole, "Dad didn't know anything about the pack dynamics they now had."

"Err... well you see Dad. We sort of have a pack now and -"

"A pack," John tasted the words in his mouth, "And what does that mean?"

"It's err... a wolf thing."

"You're not a werewolf now too are you because I don't know if I could handle-?"

"NO! No, no no! No, Dad. I'm not a werewolf," Stiles reassured, "I'm very much human. But I’m still part of the pack... like a foreign delegate."

"I don't know if I would ever call you foreign to all the stuff that goes on in this town, you're always in the centre," said John.

Stiles laughed, "Well that much is… err... mostly true. But yeah we have a pack and Derek is indeed in the pack and well we had a meeting yesterday and um... it didn't go too well?"

"Look," said John, "I realise you guys don't want me in the middle of any of your stuff and personally I'd rather stay out of it too but just tell me Stiles... are you in danger?"

"Physically, No," Stiles bit out a shaky breath.

"Mentally," John questioned.

Stiles’ leg shook and he jumped up from his chair, "I don't want to talk about this, Dad, sorry."

He left his sandwich behind on the table.

~

Stiles ran back upstairs to his room and gathered his laundry. He chucked a load in his washing machine and then began sweeping the floorboards in his room. He worked up a sweat and kept going until he dropped the broom in a fit of shaking hands and collapsed onto the floor. He couldn't breathe. He was trying to breathe and he couldn't breathe.

There was a tapping somewhere near him but his world swam.

"Stiles?"

His lungs desperately clawed at the air around him and he drew in a short breath. It wasn't enough but it was enough to keep him fighting.

"Stiles!"

There was a clanging of metal and wood that tore at his ear drums. Next thing you know he felt two points of incredible glowing warmth on either side of his face. There were hands on his face. He blinked hard and looked up.

Scott was there, holding his face steady and looking at him, he face marred with worry. Stiles knew instantly what the warmth was. Scott was trying to draw away the pain, the worry.... but this wasn't physical pain.

He could breathe again though; he took several long heavy breaths, blinked hard and looked up at his brother.

"Stiles, keep breathing. Stiles, just keep breathing."

He nodded and concentrated on the heavy draw of his lungs for a few minutes when he looked up again Scott was still looking right at him.

"I guess it's stupid to ask if you're ok," Scott said, "But can you tell me what's going through your head?"

“Why does Derek want to be with me,” said Stiles

There was a tense moment of silence.

“His wolf is telling him that it will work perfectly, that you two are the most compatible and also I think, for some time now, he’s sort of liked you… just like you’ve liked him.”

“But,” Stiles whispered, “He won’t want to be with… someone like me.”

“Oh my god, Stiles, I really don’t think Derek cares,” Scott exclaimed.

Stiles blinked at him quickly.

“I’m sorry for that,” Scott said gently, “I just, I don’t know… call it a werewolf thing or whatever you want but when you’re wolf tells you someone is your mate… you trust it. Your wolf is almost never wrong and I just… I think you’ll be happy Stiles. I really do. And that is coming from someone who has spent almost ten years worrying about you because you’re my brother and I love you.”

Scott pulled Stiles into a hug. Stiles deflated and clung to his brother.

“I don’t know if it’s going to be perfect I mean no relationship is perfect but I think you’ve got extra insurance here… Derek’s feeling won’t ever change now and I don’t know I think it’s worth a shot.”

Stiles stared at the floor, “You really think we should give it a shot?”

“I want you to be happy and I think that you’ve got a good shot.”

Stiles looked at Scott hard.

“What if he doesn’t want to be with me because my body’s not right?”

“If he does have an issue – which I don’t think he will – then I’ll kick his ass… if you don’t already get there first,” Scott laughed.

Stiles let a small smile which upon seeing Scott smiled wide.

“See you’ve got a good chance here.”

Stiles nodded and picked up his phone. His hand hovered over Derek’s number before he tapped the call button.

“Hello? Stiles? I’m so sorry, are you ok?”

“Hey Derek, I’m fine,” Stiles took a deep steadying breath, “I’ve been thinking about things and… come to mine tonight at six. I’ll drive, we’re going out ok.”

There was a ringing silence on Derek’s end of the phone.

“Derek?”

“Oh, Yeah, Ok, sure. Um. I’ll be there at six. I do hope you’re ok. I’m sorry, once again. I’ll see you tonight.”

“Yes, I’ll see tonight. Bye.”

Scott smiled at Stiles as he hung up the phone. Stiles suddenly felt incredibly hyper. He jumped up and started pacing the room. It’s like someone had pour twenty red bulls down his throat all at once.

“Dude, good job,” Scott cheered, holding out his fist.

Stiles bumped Scott’s fist with and very slowly let a huge grin spread across his tired face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi all, 
> 
> Here is chapter two. Thanks so much reading I wrote half of this drunk last night and then edited it sober but slightly hung over this morning so apologies if there appears to be mistakes. 
> 
> I hope you're enjoying this emotional roller coaster! Tell me what you think, please please please leave a comment :)

**Author's Note:**

> Hi guys, so this is the long awaited (sorry about that) third installment in my FTM Stiles series and I've made the tentative decision to attempt a multi chaptered story about this (it just seemed to be the way this was headed, to be truthfully honest).
> 
> So I don't know how good I will be at updating but i will try my hardest!  
> In the meantime... enjoy, subscribe and comment! I wanna hear your thoughts, suggestions and predictions :)


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